Possibly one of my saddest blogs ever? Like sad sad lol. Get meh?

Was my last day of school, EVER, today. So surreal, I don’t ever want to grow up. Leaving school is really like the milestone of my life, really going into the big wide world. And I really am going to sound so sad but I am going to miss my school so much. Coming to sixth form was probably one of the best decisions I’ve ever made in my life. I’ve grown throughout these past two years, become more confident, met some amazing people and have not regretted one bit of coming to Silverdale. Everything I’ve been through, the teachers, the students, the help they gave me. I never thought I’d become so attached to those who were strangers at first, but now not only a friend, but like a family to me. Seriously so emotional, makes me wonder how the kindness of people can make you feel so warm inside. Not gonna write anymore cos I’m just turning into an emotional wreck lolol. Pictures, I will cherish FOREVER. So annoyed though, camera keeps going dodgey and not opening some photos, and one of them were my form group boo.

History class of 2012.English class of 2012.

Business class of 2012.

Most importantly, THEEE best form ever.

I’m really sorry I am ugly dad.

11th May- Business unit 4 mock

15th May- History Civil rights and communism exam

16th May- History essay on the ‘Final solution’

17th May- English mock exam

21st May- Business unit 2 exam

22nd May- History Tudor exam

25th May- Business unit 3 mock

30th May- Leavers assembly

11th June- English unit 3 exam

12th June- History facism and Hitler exam

14th June- Business unit 3

21st June- Business unit 4/ FREEDOM RETURNS…!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

26th June- Popa’s birthday

27th June- Final flingggggg

7th July- Eri’s birthday lol

9th July- SG goes curazyyyyyyy

10th July- Wedding

11th July- hk for a month waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

16th August- death day, kill myself if not got into first choice uni.

Why did you even tell me you didn’t like her anymore. Why did you even tell me that. You’re sucha big fat ghey crappy stupid idiotic liar. Srly, if you like her, just say. I am sick of comparing myself to her all the time. I know I can never replace her, so pls do not give me false hope. You stupid gheyness. The way you defend her, talk about her. 

FORGET YOU, because you will now become my PAST.. and I will NOT turn back. I promise myself.

AND PLEASE JUST CHANGE YOUR FARKING PASSWORD, I DON’T WANNA READ YOUR MESSAGES. PLEASE. Change it.

I am so easily distracted, but I promise I will go back to revision after this:

So you want a girl who’s not too tall, but not too short?

Lips not too big, but not too small.

Boobs which aren’t too small, but aren’t too big.

A bum that’s not too big but it’s gotta be ‘tight’

A girl who has to listen to everything you say, always you’re right

She has be pecaless

She has to reply you within 2 mins of texting

She has to reply every single text you send her, even if it’s just k

I AM NOT FOR YOU. 

Whattttttttttt is wrong with me. No motivation whatsoever. This time last year, I started revision 2 months ago.. First exam in 3 weeks.. and I’m just prom dress looking, eating, picking my nose (lol jk), rolling around, everything but revision. Somebody kill me now. Ahhh. I WANNA GO TO NEWCASTLE RIGHT?! WANNA MAKE PARENTS PROUD RIGHT?! WANNA GET INTO A GOOD UNI RIGHT?! WANNA HAVE A LIFE RIGHT?! Revision, hard work, here I comeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!

 Actually just lemme sulk for abit. Cos Tezz is being so annoying right now. Why are we even still like this?! It’s been like 3 years already, I should have moved on in the first place, and never turned back. The things I do to myself. I just ask for it, don’t I? Just getting to the point where I just cba to even talk to him. And then I’m like pushing him away from me.. but I don’t know why? I think I’m too scared.. too scared for the same situation to happen again. Too scared to..well.. just get hurt again? He makes me feel so insecure. I feel like everything he says to me I just can’t believe. I’m sorry, I do try to make myself believe you. But I just can’t. And I know he gets so upset about this, but if he didn’t talk to every single girl like that, maybe I wouldn’t mind? He should change his fb password because some things are just better left unsaid. Basically in short, I don’t believe him when he says he changes, I don’t believe him when he says he loves me or misses me, I just don’t think I’m good enough for him. Insecurity is all I feel, and when you’re looking for a relationship.. that should be the last thing on the list no? I wanna feel like friends, friends where I can just be myself, not needing to worry whether I’m too ugly to be their gf, or too fat, or legs aren’t skinny enough, or whether I’m wearing the right clothes, get me? 

Uh oh, it’s currently 6:02pm, broke my curfew. 

So ciaofornow.xx

So this is why I’ve been feeling soo ill……….. got food poisoning, where did I even get it from?! so stupid. I have never missed more than 2 days of school and now I’m on my third day, I feel so bad. I should be at school:((( and I feel horrible. Horrible. Why just before exams? Signs I won’t get into uni already?!

I’m so ill it’s not even a jk.

A tee, hoodie, gillet, dressing gown, jacket, cardigan and a radiator next to me but I’m still cold!? And my stomach is hurting like crazy!? And two essays to do for tomo+ a whole load of revision to do!?

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When one thing makes you cry, EVERYTHING BLOODY MAKES YOU CRY.

I hate my life so much right now, I hate everything, I hate me, I hate work, I hate my life, I hate revision, I hate being fat, I hate love, I hate Terry, I hate being ugly, I just efffingggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg hate everything. My parents are annoying. Just GOIWEHJGTOEIHWGOIWEHGOIWEJHGOIEWJOIWJHEOIJWETIJEWOTJOW.

Just did a big fat cry to my sister. hahahahaha.

Oh My God, going back to depression mode again…… what is wrong with me T^T

Propa cba with life atm, just so much to do. T^T

Can I just skip this part of my life? T^T

WHYAMIBEINGSUCHASADDOFOR?! 

I’ve got a lot of work to do, it’s cold, the atmosphere is dismal, I’m fat, my hair is dry, I’m ugly, sho shad. Not been out in so longg, but that doesn’t even bother me anymore.. well it does. But what can I do.. T^T. LIFE IS SO SAD RIGHT NOW. NO MOTIVATION= NO WORK DONE. I must revise, first exam in less than 2 months. *Suffocates self*